Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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