Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
And then my night got REAL pukey
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
