So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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