I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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