Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
