"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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