that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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