where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so that wasnt chicken after all
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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