Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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