i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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