this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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