from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Mom said you looked used
You may now shotgun with the bride
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
