He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
