it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize