i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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