Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
