So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
