my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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