i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
So many bounce houses so little time
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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