if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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