i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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