Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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