your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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