even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
