I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
