I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
