I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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