I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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