I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
