The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
