I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I could make wine with my vomit
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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