i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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