i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
