That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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