hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize