I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
