My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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