Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
