Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
