God, you're like boner-b-gone
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
