just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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