Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
