Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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