margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
