they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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