pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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