if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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