mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize