My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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