please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
