I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
And then he peed in my hair
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