I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
