im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
