I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm at about main and main street
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
