Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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