i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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