Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
