if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
