Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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