my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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