I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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