Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize