wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
