forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
