you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize