I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
