i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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