last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Enjoy the penises
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
