**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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