have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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