Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
